What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
