Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
