You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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