he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize