i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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