When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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