I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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