i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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