I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
