You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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