John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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