we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
