it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
are you so shy because you have an std?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
