i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
