someone owes me an orgasm
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
