Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
