she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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