Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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