Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
