Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You smell like stripper and shame
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
