I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.