As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
