my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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