How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize