this boner is exhausting
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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