How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
