As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
