i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
