I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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