Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
