The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
