You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
