she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
