go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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