He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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