i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am naked and annoyed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
