dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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