Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
