We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's the barista slut.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
