Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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