I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
