I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
