Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
