She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
