Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
