and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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