So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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