You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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