did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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