I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
