paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
