I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
