I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Found your dick twin last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
