I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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