So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I skipped work to stalk him.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
