oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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