; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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