the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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