Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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