I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
