I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
