At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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