I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
