I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
