dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
