We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
