I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
