Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize