I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
