Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
