So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
