Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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