Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
