Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize